{"id":2082,"date":"2009-01-06T09:00:44","date_gmt":"2009-01-06T14:00:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/harryallen.info\/?p=2082"},"modified":"2009-01-06T09:30:38","modified_gmt":"2009-01-06T14:30:38","slug":"shes-a-very-freaky-girl","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/harryallen.info\/?p=2082","title":{"rendered":"She’s a Very Freaky Girl."},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Woman<\/a><\/p>\n

How did this woman, above, obtain that plaid flannel shirt? After studying the Movie Reality page<\/a>, one of the web’s best compilations of film clich\u00e9s, I think I know: Cheap and frequent loose sex.<\/p>\n

How do I know that? I carefully analyzed the image’s details, after reviewing notes from, “At Least 150 Things You Would Never Know if Not for Television and the Big Screen,”<\/a> below. It’s all the stuff you’ve seen on-screen that never happens to you. Wouldn’t it be great if real life were this neat?<\/p>\n

In the movies, or on TV: <\/strong><\/p>\n

\u2022 Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant. Murky or clear, these dreams always have great personal significance.<\/p>\n

\u2022 After a night of lovemaking, when a man’s new girlfriend finds herself in his unfamiliar home, a flannel shirt will always be available. No matter the boyfriend’s stature, this flannel shirt will be large enough to fit a hefty lumberjack. She’ll wear it as she rummages through his kitchen the next morning, but there won’t be anything to cover her legs.<\/p>\n

\u2022 Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cuttings, especially if any of their family or friends have died in a strange boating accident. If these events involve a summer camp, the camp counselors are doomed for sure. (And they will hardly be missed.)<\/p>\n

\u2022 When men drink hard liquor, it is always from a shot glass, and in one gulp. Wimps will gasp for air, then have a coughing fit. Macho guys only wince, then flash clenched teeth.<\/p>\n

\u2022 After an intense firefight, when a car gets so shot up its windshield looks like Swiss cheese, the rear window always looks pristine. (The bullets will either vanish or reload themselves.)<\/p>\n

\u2022 During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once. Even so, the detective can only solve the case after he’s been suspended from duty.<\/p>\n

\u2022 Plain or ugly girls can become strikingly beautiful, simply by removing their glasses (and perhaps, braces), then unpinning their hair.<\/p>\n

\u2022 Escaping prisoners, when they’ve knocked a guard unconscious, never think to take his gun with them — even though they’re going to need it desperately five minutes later. But if the hero takes his uniform, it always fits perfectly. (Unless they’re both women, in which case the heroine’s “borrowed” clothing will be tight and revealing.)<\/p>\n

\u2022 All grocery shopping bags contain a stick of French bread. However, when said bags break, only fruit spills out.<\/p>\n

\u2022 If you are ever knocked ‘out of phase’ with our dimensional reality (or die and become a ghost), you’ll be invisible and effectively silent, and able to walk through walls — but you won’t fall through the floor, and your buttocks will stay in a chair.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

How did this woman, above, obtain that plaid flannel shirt? After studying the Movie Reality page, one of the web’s best compilations of film clich\u00e9s, I think I know: Cheap and frequent loose sex. How do I know that? I carefully analyzed the image’s details, after reviewing notes from, “At Least 150 Things You Would […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[18,42],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/harryallen.info\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2082"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/harryallen.info\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/harryallen.info\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/harryallen.info\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/harryallen.info\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2082"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/harryallen.info\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2082\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/harryallen.info\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2082"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/harryallen.info\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2082"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/harryallen.info\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2082"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}