{"id":344,"date":"2008-04-10T14:02:08","date_gmt":"2008-04-10T18:02:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/harryallen.info\/?p=344"},"modified":"2008-04-10T14:04:51","modified_gmt":"2008-04-10T18:04:51","slug":"best-dumb-metal-song-ever","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/harryallen.info\/?p=344","title":{"rendered":"Best. Dumb. Metal. Song. Ever<\/i>."},"content":{"rendered":"

\"One<\/a>
\nAgainst nature: Children of the Unicorn’s idea of a hybrid <\/em><\/p>\n

When it comes to hard rock with a so-bad-it’s-funny edge, Spinal Tap<\/em>‘s David St. Hubbins, Nigel Tufnel, and Derek Smalls clearly broke the mold years ago. Couplets like these, from “Hell Hole”…<\/p>\n

I rode the jetstream, I hit the top<\/em>
\nI’m eating steak and lobster tails<\/em>
\nThe sauna’s drafty, the pool’s too hot<\/em>
\nThe kitchen stinks of boiling snails<\/em><\/p>\n

…reach a stupid-is-as-stupid-takes-itself-too-seriously level that is rarely exceeded in pop music.<\/p>\n

But Children of the Unicorn\u2014Phil Costello, Dave Hill, Patrick Quade, Joel Frost, and Szuf Daddy\u2014may be closing in.<\/p>\n

I knew they were onto something when I saw their cross-speciating logo, above. Still, that was before I followed the yellow brick road to the Unicorn’s MySpace page<\/a>, and got a taste of COTU’s eponymous album’s lead single, “Night Shark,” a ditty I must have then played seven or eight times in a row, filling the MEDIA ASSASSIN home with peals of tear-soaked laughter. Have some chum:<\/p>\n

I like it fresh and I like it raw
\nI like your dress, I’m licking my jaws
\nI’m on the hunt, I strike after dark
\nWatch out cuz I’m on the attack like a shark<\/em><\/p>\n

Night shark
\nIn the dead of the night, night shark
\nI’m tearing you apart
\nNight shark
\nIn the dead of the night, night shark
\nA shark in the night!<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Against nature: Children of the Unicorn’s idea of a hybrid When it comes to hard rock with a so-bad-it’s-funny edge, Spinal Tap‘s David St. Hubbins, Nigel Tufnel, and Derek Smalls clearly broke the mold years ago. Couplets like these, from “Hell Hole”… I rode the jetstream, I hit the top I’m eating steak and lobster […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[51,42,3,8],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/harryallen.info\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/344"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/harryallen.info\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/harryallen.info\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/harryallen.info\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/harryallen.info\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=344"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/harryallen.info\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/344\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/harryallen.info\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=344"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/harryallen.info\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=344"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/harryallen.info\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=344"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}