{"id":3568,"date":"2009-05-14T13:00:33","date_gmt":"2009-05-14T17:00:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/harryallen.info\/?p=3568"},"modified":"2009-05-14T14:30:11","modified_gmt":"2009-05-14T18:30:11","slug":"i-cant-believe-the-news-has-officially-been-chopped-and-screwed","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/harryallen.info\/?p=3568","title":{"rendered":"I Can’t Believe the News Has Officially Been Chopped and Screwed."},"content":{"rendered":"

\"screen8\"<\/a><\/p>\n

It’s no secret that Katie Couric, above, had some serious problems with the ratings when she took over the CBS Evening News<\/em> in 2006. For a couple of years, there, her future didn’t look good, and management reportedly started speaking in low tones about pulling the plug on her broadcast.<\/p>\n

But that was until she triumphantly body-slammed Republican VP hopeful Sarah Palin in September 2008, with a series of interviews that almost certainly helped nominee John McCain lose the November election, that boosted Couric’s viewers by millions, and that proved she was not to be messed with.<\/p>\n

So: Where do you go from there? You go where Hillary Clinton, FOX’s Sean Hannity, CNN’s Kiran Chetry, <\/span>and The Washington Post<\/em>‘s Ruth Marcus have all gone: With Auto-Tune<\/a>, the so-called “T-Pain\/Cher-style” vocal processing technology that’s sweeping the nation.<\/p>\n

In this absurd and brainy bit of genius, “Auto-Tune the News #2,”<\/a> below, by The Gregory Brothers<\/a>, and featuring Michael and Andrew Gregory, Couric, her voice melodically filtered, like the others, to maximum effect, delivers a cautionary report on global warming so heartbreaking…yet smooth, you’ll want environmental change and<\/em> a Henny. That’s some relevant news, girl. And for your reading pleasure, we’ve provided lyrics, below. Ah, yeah: You’ve been fully informed…and screwed.<\/p>\n

You need to a flashplayer enabled browser to view this YouTube video<\/em><\/object><\/p>\n

Ruth Marcus:<\/strong> Perhaps the Constitution envisions certain one-size-fits-all solutions…
\n<\/span>Michael and Andrew Gregory:<\/strong> BORRRING!
\nAndrew Gregory<\/strong>: I hear a foghorn…BORRING!
\nRM:<\/strong> …the legislature override a gubernatorial veto.
\nAG:<\/strong> You’re as boring as a…
\nMichael Gregory:<\/strong> I’m not feeling any romance between us right now.
\nYou gotta do it like this…<\/span><\/p>\n

MG:<\/strong> Shawty! Ready, set, go!
\nRM:<\/strong> This was a pretty remarkable week on the gay marriage front
\nFirst of all, to have a state like Iowa
\nMG:<\/strong> Whatchoo tryna say about Iowa?
\nRM:<\/strong> Not a East coast state
\nMG:<\/strong> East coast
\nRM:<\/strong> Not a West coast state
\nMG:<\/strong> West coast
\nRM:<\/strong> In a decision written by a Republican appointee
\nMG:<\/strong> Shawty, now you sounding so fine
\nGive me your number, we can bump and grind
\nTalkin’ about politics all night
\nLeavin’ the club in the mornin’ light<\/span>
\nIf we get carried away
\n(<\/span>The mornin’ light…)<\/span>
\nWe might get gay-married today<\/span><\/p>\n

Kiran Chetry<\/span>:<\/strong> We just heard from some of our viewers who strongly support legalizing marijuana
\nMG:<\/strong> Shawty: Five of those calls was from me
\nKC:<\/strong> Do you think we should legalize pot alone or all drugs, including heroin, cocaine, and meth?
\nMG:<\/strong> My brain says no, but my body says yes!<\/p>\n

Angry Gorilla:<\/strong> I’m an angry gorilla. I heard you needed me (ooh ooh ah ah)
\nSean Hannity:<\/strong> Now that Captain Richards Phillips has been successfully rescued, the President has decided to step in front of the spotlight
\nAG:<\/strong> Ooh, I’m angry! You can’t see it, but my forehead’s veiny
\nSH:<\/strong> And even take some credit for authorizing the mission
\nAG:<\/strong> Well, don’t you worry, baby boo
\nYou’ll always have an angry gorilla to be angry with you
\nThat’s what I do. Just ask Donkey Kong: He’s in my crew<\/p>\n

KC:<\/strong> At the North Pole, new satellite photos show arctic ice is melting so fast
\nAG:<\/strong> Oh snap, how fast?
\nKC:<\/strong> Many scientists now predict it will be gone within 30 years
\nAG:<\/strong> Surely you jest! I’m under cardiac arrest, shawty!
\nKC:<\/strong> Some researchers think it could disappear in just six
\nAG:<\/strong> Shit!
\nKC:<\/strong> Without it there could be a snowball effect
\nAG:<\/strong> Oh…
\nKC:<\/strong> With temperatures rising even faster
\nIf we all don’t take bold action and take it soon
\nAG:<\/strong> Yeah,
\nBoth:<\/strong> We will find ourselves on very thin ice
\nAG:<\/strong> Very thin ice…
\nKC:<\/strong> Very thin ice…
\nBoth:<\/strong> Very thin ice…<\/p>\n

MG:<\/strong> Tell em, Hillary, pirates on very thin ice
\nHC:<\/strong> These pirates are criminals
\nThey are armed gangs on the sea
\nMG:<\/strong> That means the ocean
\nHC:<\/strong> The United States
\nBoth:<\/strong> Does not make concessions
\nOr ransom payments to pirates…<\/p>\n

(Phone rings)
\nMG:<\/strong> Embarrasing. Sorry, guys.
\nUh, sorry. I’ve…I, I’ve gotta take this.<\/p>\n

MG:<\/strong> Hello, shawty, we can meet up at the mall
\n(At the mall)
\nBrowse around in the bookstore
\nMentally ball until we fall<\/p>\n

MG:<\/strong> Love you too, Grandmum.
\nUh, sorry…uh, any other questions?
\nUm, anyone wanna buy drugs…from me?<\/p>\n

MG:<\/strong> Auto-Tune the news! (Auto-Tune!)
\nAuto-Tune the news! (Auto-Tune!)
\nEverything sounds better…Auto-Tuned!!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s no secret that Katie Couric, above, had some serious problems with the ratings when she took over the CBS Evening News in 2006. For a couple of years, there, her future didn’t look good, and management reportedly started speaking in low tones about pulling the plug on her broadcast. But that was until she […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[44,42,7,50,19],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/harryallen.info\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3568"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/harryallen.info\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/harryallen.info\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/harryallen.info\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/harryallen.info\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3568"}],"version-history":[{"count":24,"href":"http:\/\/harryallen.info\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3568\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3652,"href":"http:\/\/harryallen.info\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3568\/revisions\/3652"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/harryallen.info\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3568"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/harryallen.info\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3568"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/harryallen.info\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3568"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}