{"id":52,"date":"2008-02-21T00:14:14","date_gmt":"2008-02-21T05:14:14","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/harryallen.info\/blog\/?p=52"},"modified":"2008-02-21T01:07:53","modified_gmt":"2008-02-21T06:07:53","slug":"i-finally-get-why-my-wife-hates-tvmovie-car-chases","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/harryallen.info\/?p=52","title":{"rendered":"I Finally Get Why My Wife Hates TV\/Movie Car Chases."},"content":{"rendered":"

The new Knight Rider<\/em><\/a> aired Sunday evening, updating the original David Hasselhoff ’80s\"KITT\" TV show for the year 2000, while retaining the original premise. You remember: Michael Knight\u2014here, Mike Tracer (Ooo!<\/em>)\u2014equipped with an ultra-advanced talking automobile as his primary weapon, roams the highways and byways, fighting crime.<\/p>\n

Oh, to be a 14-year-old boy, again.<\/p>\n

There’s a rhythm to hour-long, episodic television that’s always been there, I’m sure, but that, for some reason, I really started noticing while watching Grey’s Anatomy<\/em>. It goes as follows:<\/p>\n

1. Characters mouth jargon for ten seconds, or do something hardcore and technical.<\/strong><\/p>\n

2. Somehow, this leads them to start yapping about their personal lives.<\/strong><\/p>\n

3. Something dramatic happens, and they panic, or get angry.<\/strong><\/p>\n

4. Repeat for 60 minutes.<\/strong><\/p>\n

At least, on Grey’s<\/em>, they’re yapping over O.R. surgery, which can look interesting. On the D.O.A. Knight Rider<\/em>, their half-sentences are uttered over day-for-night backgrounds while the car drives itself<\/em>. So, you’re basically seeing two people, seated, giving each other meaningful looks. Car chases are boring.<\/p>\n

I wouldn’t even be writing about this “original movie event,” two-hour Ford infomercial were it not for one little joke. (Well, supercar KITT asking Mike, “Are you a homosexual?”, while flashing stills from a Pride march and the universal gay couple sign on its flatscreen was kinda funny, but that’s not it.)<\/p>\n

Turns out the reason for the the episode’s shenanigans is a certain “global security corporation” wants to steal “Prometheus.” That’s the advanced artificial intelligence which KITT’s creator made for the Pentagon’s new defensive network, and which the sports car shares.<\/p>\n

The name of the rogue company?<\/p>\n

BlackRiver<\/em>.<\/p>\n

I kid you not. (Though, weird as things are in America, hopefully I won’t have to eat my words when it turns out the real Blackwater rigged the 2008 election.)<\/p>\n

Needless to say, the episode ends with the inevitable Hasselhoff cameo. Of course, surprise, he’s actually Mike’s long-lost father, which kind of makes him like Speed Racer<\/em>‘s Racer X, only not as cool.<\/p>\n

“Hey, Michael: Am I going to see you again?”, the new Mike asks, while daddy walks away.<\/p>\n

Parting glance with a rugged smirk. “I hope so.”<\/p>\n

Yeah, but you’re the only one, Hoff. Prediction: In 15 minutes, they’ll be filling Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles<\/em>‘ supply closet with KITT’s and Bionic Woman<\/em>‘s leftover parts. Nighty-night!<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The new Knight Rider aired Sunday evening, updating the original David Hasselhoff ’80s TV show for the year 2000, while retaining the original premise. You remember: Michael Knight\u2014here, Mike Tracer (Ooo!)\u2014equipped with an ultra-advanced talking automobile as his primary weapon, roams the highways and byways, fighting crime. Oh, to be a 14-year-old boy, again. There’s […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[8,17,19],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/harryallen.info\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/52"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/harryallen.info\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/harryallen.info\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/harryallen.info\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/harryallen.info\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=52"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/harryallen.info\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/52\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/harryallen.info\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=52"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/harryallen.info\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=52"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/harryallen.info\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=52"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}