World’s Greatest Chaste Scene.

In Detroit-based filmmaker Matthew J. Tait‘s animated short, Zygote, above, Bob has talked his teenage girlfriend into coming over so he can claim her virginity. Unsure she’s ready to take their relationship “to the next level,” the girl wavers. So Bob deftly parries, observing that his previous girl, a mature woman, wouldn’t have had all these issues.

It’s a despicable, caddish move, played thousands of times a day. So why does this 2:05 piece have me howling with tearful cackles at the plight of these losers?

Blame it on Tait and Xtranormal Text-to-Movie web-based software. With it, users create their own shorts, complete with avatars lip-synching dialogue you keyboard in. (“If you can type, you can make movies,” says the company’s motto.)

By coupling the application’s wonkiness—a gentle arm around shoulders leaves Bob’s limb hanging in mid-air—with tightly warped dialogue (“My hymen…I’m embarrassed..it’s thick…like a disc of thick-cut Canadian bacon”), Tait fashions 125 seconds of rogue puppetry, where you know the actors are controlled by entities that truly mean them ill.

[via Logan Walters]