Analyzing the Hoe Zone Player

You might think that a student with a double major in Geography and Russian & Slavic Studies—one matriculating in about a year, before heading to grad school—might have more to do at 4 a.m. than create a geographic outline of the places rapper Ludacris likes to pick up chicks, based on his 2001 Word of Mouf single w/ Nate Dogg, “Area Codes,” above. (Click on the map to enlarge it, then again to see it at maximum size.)

But, if you do think that, you neither know the contradictions of higher ed nor the peccadilloes of Stefanie Gray. (You also haven’t been to the incredible Strange Maps blog, where I first saw this.)

There, the CUNY Hunter College undergrad, right, notes, “I’m a female and a feminist. I dislike the usage of the word ‘ho’. However, as a geography major, I find this song hilarious, and had to map it.”

To do so, Gray listed the area codes Ludacris cites in the recording. There are quite a few. For example, from the lyrics:

7-1-8’s, 2-0-2’s

I send small cities and states I.O.U.’s

9-0-1, a matter fact, 3-0-5

I’ll jump off the G4, we can meet outside

So control your hormones and keep your drawers “own”

’Til I close the door and I’m jumping your bones

3-1-2’s, 3-1-3’s

2-1-5’s, 8-0-trees

Read your hor-oscope and eat some hors d’oeuvres

Ten on Pump One, these hoes is self-serve

7-5-7, 4-1-0’s

My cell phone just overloads…

Some of these numbers I know on sight. As a New Yorker, I immediately recognize 718 as the prefix for calls made to Staten Island, the Bronx, Brooklyn, and Queens. Washington D.C. is 202. Philadelphia is 215. But I don’t know all of them.

However, Gray identified each number, plugged the data into a map of the United States, and, after rigorous review and analysis, came to the following conclusions:

• Ludacris heavily favors the East Coast to the West, save for Seattle, San Francisco, Sacramento, and Las Vegas.

• Ludacris travels frequently along the BosWash corridor.

• There is a “ho belt” phenomenon nearly synonymous with the “Bible Belt.”

• Ludacris has hoes in the entire state of Maryland.

• Ludacris has a disproportionate ho-zone in rural Nebraska. He might favor white women as much as he does Black women, or, perhaps, girls who farm.

• Ludacris’s ideal ‘ho-highway’ would be I-95.

• Ludacris has hoes in the Midway and Wake Islands. Only scientists are allowed to inhabit the Midway Islands, and only military personnel may inhabit the Wake Islands. Draw your own conclusion.

Somewhere, there a mother saying, “We sent you to college for this?” But don’t worry, Stefanie. I hear Galileo’s mom said the same thing.