“A shame, the way the poor Africans are starving…[sigh]…such a shame. I hope we can help them in some way. Now, what will it be: The supreme of chicken with stuffed thigh, nuts and orange savoury and beetroot foam, or will I have the milk-fed lamb flavored with herbs and mustard, and roast lamb with cepes and black truffle? Does a Chambolle-Musigny go with lamb? And what are we going to do about the poor starving Africans?”

According to the UK’s Daily Telegraph, via The Huffington Post, world leaders, meeting in Japan on Monday to solve the global food crisis, stuffed themselves stupid at an 18-course banquet, below, specially prepared for the meeting, calling down, no doubt inaudible, worldwide outrage. (“Meanwhile back at the Vomitorium” stabbed The Daily Kos. “Crumbs from the rich nations’ table” dripped the capitalism-giddy, sherbert-toned Financial Times.)

Dining on such unpronounceables as Boiled Prawn with Tosazu Vinegar Jelly, Chaud-Froid of Kegani Crab, and Grilled Bighand Thornyhead Fish with Pepper Sauce—all prepared by Japanese Michelin Star chef Katsuhiro Nakamura and washed down with a fine assortment of wines and sakes—the G8 leaders congregating at the ultra-exclusive Windsor Hotel packed their stomachs, while, somewhere on Earth, a human being died of hunger every 3.6 seconds.

According to the Telegraph,

Dominic Nutt, of the charity Save the Children, did not approve.

‘It is deeply hypocritical that they should be lavishing course after course on world leaders when there is a food crisis and millions cannot afford a decent meal,’ he said.

‘If the G8 wants to betray the hopes of a generation of children, it is going the right way about it.

Some attendees at the summit responded through their press secretaries: “BELLLLCCCH!!!”