What Happens If a Bunch of Iraqi Journalists Get Their Hands on These Weapons of Mass Destruction?

Vivienne Westwood shoes
Dame Vivienne Westwood’s killer 10-inch, Anglomania heels,
from the collection of the Bata Shoe Museum. Photo by Nicola Betts

Dear readers of MEDIA ASSASSIN:

There is an oversight to which I must own up.

Iraqi journalist Muntader al-ZaidiYesterday, when I put together my prospective rogue’s list of deadly, would-be Presidential shoe-throwers—Wayne Gretzky, Shaq, Pinball Wizard, Bozo the Clown, Frankenstein—in the wake of the controversy around Iraqi newscaster Muntader al-Zaidi, right, who, the day before, threw his shoes at President Bush during a press conference, I tried to be thorough. I wanted to compile a complete roster of people for whom President Bush, in his waning days as our nation’s leader, might keep out an alert eye. To me, it was a matter of national…well, no…clearly, it was a matter of international security.

But I failed.

I forgot to include Vivienne Westwood.

Vivienne Westwood: Should she be put at the top of the No-Fly list?You know her, of course, as the 67-year-old doyenne of British fashion, right. But could the woman that the BBC has described as “resolutely subversive” be at the center of a plot that goes right to the heart of our democracy?

I mean, look at those patent-leather, metal-spiked monsters at the top of this post. Forget, for a moment, ladies, how totally hot you’d look in them. (Men, get out of the ladies’ thought balloons.) Forget what they did, in the happier, pre-9/11 days of February 1993, to innocent fashion model Naomi Campbell, as she was just walking along, minding her business.

Do you know exactly how much damage a disgruntled Iraqi copy editor could do with these?

Recently, the BBC said this about Westwood, on their web site:

“Last year she made t-shirts bearing the slogan ‘I am not a terrorist, please don’t arrest me.'”

Oh, really?

Well, if you’re not, Viv, why bring it up? Trying a little anticipatory reverse psychology?

Outraged Iraqis protest U.S. occupationEven as we speak, restless throngs in Iraq, right, and throughout the Middle East are calling for revolt. A Saudi Arabian newspaper reports one man has offered $10 million dollars for just one of al-Zaidi’s hurled shoes. The journalist, who could face up to seven years in prison for his act of aggression against a visiting head of state, is being hailed in the streets as a hero.

Yet in all of this tumult, the question no one seems to be asking—the question no one apparently dares to ask—is this: What could happen if the Iraqis got their hands on a pair of Westwood’s shoes?

It’s almost too horrific to contemplate. Flyguy’s pimp-strut would be a walk in the park, by comparison.

Someone has got to stop this. Someone’s got to ask the hard questions. Someone has got to put an end to the nightmare.

I know what you’re saying: Fashion is murder. But I ask: How can you be so callous when so many lives are at stake?

Someone needs to bring Westwood in, now, and find out what she knew, and when she knew it. That’s the only way to keep our nation safe.

Zappos: You’re next!

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2 comments ↓

#1 libhomo on 12.19.08 at 12:44 am

If Carrie from Sex and the City got in on the act, she would be truly dangerous. She would have an almost endless supply of ammo.

#2 vivienne westwood on 11.02.10 at 10:39 pm

The vivienne westwood clothing and vivienne westwood jewellery are so cute.

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