Don’t Get Married.

Wang-Holder wedding announcement

When asked about marriage, or even when not, I typically say that it’s a hard thing to do well; that probably, apart from raising children, it’s the hardest thing anyone will ever attempt. And that, in marriage, communication is not only important, but that it is the blood plasma of your relationship, though, again, it is always a difficult thing to do correctly. And that you need to have an unbreakable agreement that your marriage is for life for it to even have a chance at working. And that, particularly as a person who aspires to Christianity, you need God in your relationship to make it work. And that…well, you get the idea.

These are hard-earned truths from over 15 years of betrothal to Zakiya, and, believe me, I’m learning more all the time, every day, or at least trying to do so.

But this guy says forget all that: Just don’t get married and, if you do, do not, under any circumstances, marry an American woman.

On the NoMarriage web site, its unnamed creator and author—he’s done an ebook—lists links to short pieces, mostly by him. There, in the strongest, four-letter-worded arguments possible, he addresses these among many, pressing topics:

American women will bring out the WORST in you

How women manipulate you

Enduring The Incessant Whining of Single Females on Valentines Day

and my favorite title:

Give me ONE good reason why a man should sign a marriage contract with an American woman

He explains that

The purpose of NoMarriage.com website is to allow men to better understand two very important issues that get very little attention:

• 4 out of 5 men regret marrying.

Divorce rate is around 60%. Majority of remaining married men are stuck in sexless marriages with nagging and bitching wives, but they choose not to divorce because they are afraid of being wiped out financially during divorce. Furthermore, majority of relatively happy marriages are among very religious people, people choosing to live a simple lifestyle, people living in the rural South/Midwest, and recent Hispanic immigrants. If you are a normal American guy living in a large metropolitan area marrying a normal college-educated American woman who is looking for the American dream (a nice house, kids, good life), then you are extremely likely to either get divorced or trapped in a miserable marriage.

• Foreign women from Latin America, Eastern Europe, and Asia make much better wives than American women.

An American woman has several fundamental problems that will never go away and that will get much worse a few years after she is married:

1. Her inherent anti-male bias and pre-occupation with fairness that was drilled into her at high school, college, and through the media. Her constant confrontations and trying to prove herself and to make a point.

2. Her self-centeredness, her ridiculously high expectations, her sense of entitlement, her high-maintenance, superficial, and stuck up attitude, her snootiness and her sense of superiority. This “princess” syndrome means that she will always think that she is better than you, and that she deserves and she is entitled to whatever she wants from you.

3. Her general mental instability and psychological disorders.

4. Her using sex as a weapon and reward to get things.

Foreign women generally don’t have any of these problems. Marrying an American woman simply does not make sense. The ONLY reason men stay with American women is because they did not have enough exposure to foreign women. Any man who spent a few months in Brazil or Russia will not even look at American women again.

Dating or being married to an American woman is like driving a beat-up Ford Escort. If you are only used to driving a beat-up Ford Escort, then you have no idea what it feels like when you drive a Bentley or Ferrari.

Dude: Tell us what you really think. Don’t hold back this time.

He also links this incentivizing picture, below, to his other web site, SingleAbroad,

You decide!

which, for a fee, purports to get American men “the best unbiased information on where to travel so you can have a good time and meet local women.” On SingleAbroad, you’re urgently advised that

If you are considering marrying and starting a family with a “career woman” over 30, then you need to act right away. Seriously, drop everything you are doing, get on the plane and go anywhere outside the “West” for a month. Once you come back you will break up with your GF and you will understand that you just avoided the biggest mistake in your life.

Seriously, I find this hilarious in a way that, I imagine, my single female friends cannot.

There’s a kind of crazed sense to what he’s saying; a kind of perspectival logic, like when you see those cartoons with fleas on a dog’s back, having tea, and they’re surrounded by a forest. A dog’s back isn’t a forest. But, if you’re a flea, it is.

In a similar sense, there’s a position from which this guy is talking that makes some “sense.” He’s really talking about a kind of privilege that American women enjoy, and that allows, or encourages, them to make certain kinds of choices. But he’s speaking from the place of a guy who either doesn’t want to deal with this, or can’t.

That is, what’s left out of his analysis is an answer to the obvious question: Who are you, and why are you so angry? Are you mad because someone hurt you, or you tried to get with an American woman and couldn’t measure up? (He admits that he’s never been married.) Like, what gives?

Also, as Dr. Phil would say, how much fun are you to be around? That is, some people just shouldn’t be married. It requires discipline and takes commitment. As I said before, it’s hard; it’s not for punks or children.

The unnamed author says he decided to do the web site when he

noticed that almost all American women around me are either already mentally unstable, or they become mentally unstable after marriage. So married men are forced to live their lives constantly trying to please their wife’s (sic) ever-evolving needs and wants, as well as constantly trying to prove and validate themselves to their wives. I started doing surveys and researching it further. I then put together the website and wrote the book.

Guys who are “forced to live their lives constantly trying to please their wife’s (sic) ever-evolving needs and wants, as well as constantly trying to prove and validate themselves to their wives” are either married to the wrong people, or are the wrong people to get married.

I once read a statement that The person a man most wants to impress is his wife. These words are so true it is hard to overstate them.

But this is widely different than husbands being “forced” to “constantly” deal with “ever-evolving needs and wants” or having to “prove and validate themselves to their wives.” The landscape this unnamed author describes here is so fractious, selfish, and contentious, in the abstract, it makes me wonder why people so selfish and needy ever got together. (Of course, the answer is that selfish and needy people attract each other.)

But the clincher is the advice said author gives to this question:

I am trapped in a bad marriage. What should I do?
Probably get a divorce. Then take a long vacation in Brazil so you can get a perspective on how real women should be.

Seriously? That’s marital advice? Well, he’s right, certainly, that some people should definitely not be married, but I’d say, as a free-speech absolutist, that some people should not write books, or web sites, about marriage, either.

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24 comments ↓

#1 GIAM on 03.31.08 at 9:45 am

Perception is the driver of consciousness. I think this man’s perception is based, in part, on his experience with women he finds attractive and unattractive (American women, I’m guessing), and hence I think his point is very valid. As a married man, I often wonder what on earth ever convinced me to get married. I can’t even imagine a scenario where the effort is worth the return. And I’m not even married to an American woman.

#2 janflora on 05.04.08 at 7:31 pm

People who do not want to compromise and live with other people should not be married…just as people, male or female, who do not want to take care of others, or put their own desires second should not be parents. The [apparently mentally unstable] man wrote “almost all American women…become mentally unstable after marriage”- could that possibly be caused by the lack of mental support they receive, or b/c their partners are focusing on thongs and their own non-evolving desires?
As a married American woman, whose own mental instability was caused more by parenting, the sad education system and the constant barage of #@%&! produced by the media and jerks like him, I say, thank god he isn’t married…let’s hope he doesn’t reproduce.

And thank god there are true marriage partnerships like yours and mine which will continue to prove him WRONG!

#3 Jen on 08.21.08 at 3:10 am

In some regards, the author is right, but not in all cases. It’s a bit prejudice to say that a man should not marry an American woman, just like it is to say that black men are criminals, or Asians can’t drive, etc. It is all based on opinions and perhaps his own past experiences. Nothing is guaranteed, so please emphasize either substantial data or factual research to support your claim instead of stating your own belief system on others, which can make some offended or angry at your ignorance.

#4 David on 09.01.08 at 10:55 am

Marriage is a legal contract that in America, still holds men primarily responsible for financial obligations. Marriage is a mistake for most men because most end in divorce and most of those are brought by the women. Far more important than not getting married, is to never get a woman pregnant because the man becomes married financially. American women are wonderful but be careful entering in to any legal contract with them.

#5 Jared on 10.13.08 at 6:55 pm

This guy seems off the wall, and his advice extreme, and you have to wonder just what kind of a loser he is…

Except he’s right.

Spend a month in Thailand, for example, and you’ll never see Western women the same again.

#6 tracko on 10.18.08 at 7:03 am

I completely agree to what has been written. I would think more than any women who is educated are difficult to manage. Worse than American women are the Indian Born american women who besides being greedy also are good housekeeper. Everytime they have a divorce they keep the house. You are right Thai girls are the best. They are friendly which is important for marriage. Hope some of these women do learn.It is important also to have a legal contract in a marriage which says what is maximum financial damage you need to incur. Now a days i am thinking if you want to have a cup of coffee is it important to own a coffee estate.

#7 david on 10.18.08 at 11:36 am

Marriage is a contract intended in its origin to endure till the death of one of the contracting parties. Sadly this is wishful thinking today. Marriage needs to be replaced with civil union contracts.
Under today’s Marriage and divorce rules, one spouse can bring an action even if the other party does not agree or has not committed any legal transgression. The filing spouse can divorce you unilaterally without giving any reasons. At best, this leads to a fifty-fifty split of all assets; unless children are involved. Then, the best case is about 70-30 and most rights of parenthood going to one spouse.
All I want men to know is that they will most likely be on the losing end of these best case scenarios.
Again, “American women are wonderful,” but men are poorly treated in court today; beware!

#8 Victor on 10.21.08 at 6:05 pm

I just had to let another single mother go on the grounds she wanted to get married. To bad, It is a no brainer for some women to want to get married. They want it all, the security blanket knowing the power will switch into their hands from a marital contract. Most have a lot of debt and baggage and attitude, how could a marriage these days to a American woman last the test of time. If it does how many years off of you life will this cause? I think it is time for another trip to Indonesia and maybe try Thialand this time. Marriage is a scam. I doubt i can ever buy into it….

#9 anne on 11.06.08 at 3:49 pm

true— the american legal system has often unfairly granted child custody to mothers only (at the expense of fathers. Also true— many american women are raised with the idea that it is men that are evil (rather than the real problem of discrimination) and treat really great guys like enemies simply because they are male. As an american female, i too am disgusted by the manipulative princessy behavior that i see encouraged in pop culture, particularly because it gives the rest of us a bad name.

However, i find it pretty ridiculous that this guy’s solution to the problem is to go on “a long vacation so you can get a perspective on how real women should be.” The solution is not to find women who are submissive and complacent to whatever her husband wants… I mean seriously, look at the power dynamics that come into play when a man from a rich country goes to a poorer society and offers a women with few prospects a new opportunity… of course she’ll be agreeable to whatever he wants!

The solution is for partners to discuss these issues, and find a way for both people to be happy and feel equal in the relationship. If (BOTH men and women) avoid the selfishness and passive-agressive behavior discussed above, there would be far less complaining on both sides.

#10 david on 11.08.08 at 12:06 pm

You want seriously? Look at the power dynamics that come into play when a man from American goes into court against an American woman who is the victim of two thousand years of patriarchy abuse, diminished opportunities, 25% chance of rape, medical discrimination, sexual objectification, slavery and open abused.
The way to avoid the selfishness and passive-aggressive behavior you discussed previously is to not get married; so why do you defend it?
You don’t really believe in marriage do you? Its entire history has been one of the subjugation of women! It is time that marriage was ended and women allowed to get off their knees and stand on their own two feet.

#11 Caleer Miller on 11.30.08 at 3:18 am

As a man that was engaged for two years I agree. Once me and my soon to be wife moved into the house on the hill she changed. I was suddenly expendabe once she got what she wanted. In America it is hard to find a woman who loves you without having an alterior motive.

#12 Beth on 01.19.09 at 4:36 pm

First of all I would like to start by saying this man has no class, and it makes me wonder if his hatred for american women is because he can’t get one. I think ,not all, but most men seek foriegn women, and not all foriegn women, but the women from countrys that have a reputation for putting up with guy’s like this one. How do we know that the women on the left is the women from brazil, its most likely the american and the one on the right is probly his mom or sister. I have been married for 16 years, and have known my now ex husbund for over 20 years, I asked him to leave because things were getting ugly, we were both wrong and I have come to realize alot about myself and things that I was doing wrong, he wanted to come back, but before anything had changed, it all would have stayed the same, I needed time to get the help I needed to change, his answer was to drink the most he has ever, and turned to some real special friends that were not married, liked to drink starting at 9am and loved to put down women, he was hurting, weak, scared to be alone, and this was his answer. These men including my ex are all over 45 have some belly on them, dirty mouths, un groomed most of the time, and don’t even care to work that much(they, most of them are in construction). My ex got set up by one of his friends with a Thiland women, he is still with her, and off and on in the past year He has put her on the phone to me,and one time I asked her if she wanted to be in this country so bad that she would be with a man that was married, not finished with his family and was looking for her as a rebound. She said Yes, yes he makes my life better in america. My ex new that after having sex with another women would make it close to impossible for us to be together again, we said that alot through our marriage, that being unfaithful would be to hard to forgive. He was very drunk the first time with her, to build the courage I guess. This is the deal, I have a beautiful 3 year old daughter, and a beautiful 5 year old son, they are awsome, with all the above talk about men, and men finding women to kiss there ——’s, and more. the one’s who suffer are the one’s like my little one’s, this women from a country she wanted to escape(but still sends money to) made her selfish needs more important then anything, and she is with a man that is selfish aswell, she could probly care less about my ex, but her visa is about to run out, and my ex would be with her even if she had a mustashe and a beard, rather then be alone, again the kids got the rotton end of the stick, so all you men, trying to say how awsome these women are from these country’s that are pretty much teaching there women at a young age to prostitute for foriegn men, and then hide behind the b.s. of how sweet they are, and how beautiful, and bla, bla, bla…….. the man that wrote this, and others like him need to post there pic’s. Tell the truth that you need a weaker link to put up with what ever you are and these so called awsome women you describe are as weak as this guy. OPEN THE BIBLE, AND I WILL PRAY FOR YOU AND GUY’S LIKE YOU. AND READ A BOOK ON NARSASISUM. (IM SURE I SPELLED THAT WRONG, AND MADE OTHER SPELLING MISSTAKES), BUT I AM IN A HURRY, I HAVE TO GO TAKE CARE OF WHAT REALLY MATTER’S……MY KIDS

#13 David on 01.30.09 at 1:42 pm

Great post Beth
You are so truthful in your feelings.
All the problems between men and women in the united states are within your post.
I was raised up to respect women, to give way to women, to protect women. I still agree with this kind of upbringing.
The question is, how are women raised to feel about men?

#14 Deb on 01.31.09 at 3:40 am

As a happily married American woman, I just wanted to say a few things. First, some of us are nice, well-adjusted people who love and respect our husbands. I adore mine and after 15 years and two kids still stay up drinking and watching movies and laughing about stuff. (for example, we laughed at the most of the things here) Second, just because YOU have never found an “American” woman that you mesh with, doesn’t give you the right to make sweeping generalizations of all American women. We’re strong, opinionated, funny, smart and loyal – for the most part. There’s always a couple of bad apples that ruin it – but that’s everywhere. I’ll take funny and smart over a tight ass anyday! The ass will crash and the boobs will fall and there you’ll be in your rocking chair with nothing to talk about. Good luck to ya!

#15 Beth on 02.02.09 at 1:33 am

David

Thanks so much for your responce, I am so happy it came from a man, I had to call the ex tonite, to tell him my son was sick and other things, I heard nothing but a t.v in the back round, and as I continued to talk, because of all the games, I figured he was listening, but this is what I have to go Thur, then I heard “her’ laughing on the phone, I was telling him how sick his son was and that a lot of utilities would be going off this week, and yes I was a smart ass, and said ” we will let them go off because we know you need to save for Thailand, and send money home to her family. I am not proud off the weakness I gave into, but I am human. and I am also …………DONE right when I do not think this guy can shock me, he can, he has had sex on the phone when I made a call about our family and pain, and I have to get over the fact that I let the devil into my life long enough that I even listened for a min. I have come along way with this nightmare, but I also know that this is someone , to spite the “GREAT THI GIRL” is so unhappy, and guess what, I have spent so much time morning my family and the ………How could he, and the……..DID he ever love us …….and so on and so on, and that is the stuff I am guilty off that I pray My children forgive me for. I was all about the family, Maybe the “picture” but now, it is all about the meaning. I truly have two of the most beautiful gifts from GOD! I am greatful, and we will get past this, WOMEN IN AMERICA ARE STRONG AND CAN SURVIVE, AND DID I METION, THAT I LOST MY MOM, MY DAD AND MY SISTER, THRU THIS 16 YEAR MARRIAGE? yes, I have been Thur a lot, and I feel so blessed that I realized so much anger and other life damaging things so early on, so that I could correct it, or try, as it turned out I really would have done anything for my family…………….. but the weakness of my ex….. and a very desperate girl won? but not really……because

God has a plan, and it has become very clear, that this man that could be with this women, even before we went to court, is not the plan God has for me and my children………..I am a good women, blessed with two awesome kids, we will find our way, and God will continue to bless us. I would like some day for God to give me the chance at a good marriage, to show my kids the way it is supposed to be, please pray for me and my children…………. Thanks

#16 David on 02.04.09 at 9:07 pm

Beth
You are so sweet and innocent. Meanwhile he is nothing but a worthless person. He is a worthless person that is in the process of victimizing another woman; she must have been very desperate!
I will pray every day for you and your children.
David

#17 Tom on 02.07.09 at 2:55 pm

OK, I am stereo-typing, but just look at the statistics
American woman = Fat and lazy
foriegn woman = hard working + thin
all woman = crazy

#18 Beth on 02.08.09 at 5:57 pm

Tom
You must not have been reading the above, really reading. so far you show the least class, and an American women fat or skinny, lazy or hard working, is a lucky American women not to have a man like you.
Where do you get your statistics Tom, on the back cover of “Mail away for a Bride”? If you are with a foreign women? She must be very desperate, and very uneducated, and MUST WORK VERY HARD. I think what concerns me most, is the comment “All woman are Crazy” WOW! You must really be having some trouble getting a women, American, Foreign, Fat, Skinny, Blue, Green, or from Mars. Maybe you should think about Men, I think you will have a better chance, because as you can see from above there are more of your kind on the planet, I pray for my children’s, children, that one day your kind will become extent.
Have a great Day and try to do something constructive, go help a neighbor, or read some real statistics, or read a self improvement book, go to the gym, and get some hair growth shampoo, then maybe you’ll have better luck with a women, and I hope for you Tom that she is a good women that is kind, loving, listens to God, funny, makes you happy whether she is fat, skinny, foreign or American
Take Care

#19 Nope on 11.08.09 at 11:08 pm

When women start taking their female friends to task, whenever they try to abuse, cheat, and manipulate good men, instead of having divorce parties and hate-fests over vino, as a man, I’ll start to consider maybe softening my stance against marrying.

#20 Curiepoint on 07.12.10 at 12:45 am

It’s funny how American women think that they are “not at all like the article describes” when evidence suggests otherwise. Granted, the article is a bit extreme, but to dismiss it outright is nothing but denial and self-delusion.

American women are the most spoiled on the planet. They proclaim how strong and capable they are, but still play the victim card at the hands of us trog-like men. Well, seeking a foreign woman would seem to be doing you a favor, so why all the invective? My guess would be that it’s too much akin to the slaves running from the plantation. If enough men do so, then they’ll have nobody to blame and castigate, and that only leaves the truth for them to face.

None of you are perfect. All of you think you are so different. Some of you are even smart enough to acknowledge that the legal landscape is arraigned against men, but your attitude is “So What?”. It all sounds like the idiotic notion of “don’t worry, be happy”.
That makes you all complicit in the sickness that is American society.

None of you are worth the potential problems you bring. Your promises of not being the type to use the legal landscape to your advantage ring hollow because you find it utterly acceptable.

I feel sorry for the men who did marry you. But then again, you cannot turn anyone away from their own stupidity.

#21 MLRS RLS on 08.22.10 at 2:48 pm

If only prostitution were legal, as it is in some Western European countries. I’d gladly pony-up the cash for a weekly stress release than have to deal with yet another whiney self-entitled Yank battleaxe with a fixation on “Sex and the City.”

#22 Dawn on 08.26.11 at 5:32 pm

Educated American women (college degree) are more likely to be interested in sex, oral sex, and experiment with their sex life. It’s a fact look it up. I think most American guys just don’t want to do their fair share in a relationship, so prefer a servant and that’s what they get not real love.

#23 Sarot on 12.17.11 at 4:40 pm

People can marry who they want- why do these women get so defensive that American men are dating ladies outside the United States? It is so hilarious! Women you can date and marry men from other nations too. Why do you think your superior to other women in other lands? It’s so condescending of you to think that women from other nations are submissive door mats! Your such hypocritical bigoted swine! Men want women who believe in equality not women who think they are entitled princesses that are nothing but spoiled self centered hedonistic pigs who think that the world revolves around them and that men are their ATM machine/ slaves. Grow up and smell the reality “ladies”! What’s the matter can’t handle the competition from nice decent women from overseas? LOL

#24 johnboy007 on 02.04.12 at 1:09 am

Well the stats prove that marriage is on the decline, especially with the 20-30 year olds. I have been to most places in the world and have experienced many cultures. And I have to say Thai women stay fit and are humble and polite. Unlike the majority of american middle age women that are overweight and tainted. I like the asian women better then the american women.

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