Big Pimpin’? Ginormous Pimpin’.

Brothers, I’m talkin’ to you: Is there a special someone that, this Valentine’s Day, you want to completely knock off her feet?

If so…I can’t help you.

But if you wanna blow her off the planet, I’m your man.

Check this out: I talked to my personal florist, Calyx & Corolla, and, if your plastic is the right color, they’re ’bout to hook you up.

How would your girl feel walking into a cubicle stuffed stupid with, not a dozen, not two dozen but, 1,000 red roses?

Lemme put it to you this way:

Fulfill her wildest dreams with the most extravagant, most passionate, most romantic Valentine’s Day gift you’ve ever sent – 1,000 roses (that’s more than 80 dozen)! Every corner of the room will be blooming with the richest, most radiant, long-stemmed red roses she’s ever seen. And to make the day even more romantic, we will also include the petals of another dozen roses. Use them to create a path to the 1,000 Roses surprise, or sprinkle them on the bed or in a candlelit bath for two. She’ll LOVE it, and we guarantee it will be a Valentine’s Day neither of you will ever forget.

This is for true playas only. So, I know you won’t even blink that the price of three days and nights of resulting freakiness is one thousand long-stemmed red roses & rose petals, $1,995.95.