Dead Man Talking.

Yeah? And?
Please stop staring at me…: Carl Panzram, serial killer & tough guy

If you knew you were about to be executed, what would be your last words?

Most of us would want to offer encouragement to our children or loved ones, or make a profound summary on the meaning of life.

Not these guys. In “The 11 Most Badass Last Words Ever Uttered,” Cracked.com have put together a list of ne’er-do-wells who, mere seconds before the the state was about to have their way with ‘em, were still out to prove whose cojones had the greatest girth and the most metal.

For sheer death-daring, last words audacity, mass murderer Carl Panzram, above, probably takes the cake and the lady jumping out of it. In life, Panzram bragged that he’d killed 21 people; sodomized 1,000 men merely to humiliate them during his burglaries, robberies, larcenies, and arsons; and was “not in the least bit sorry” for any of it.

When asked by the executioner for final thoughts before his 1930 hanging, he’s said to have shouted, “Hurry it up, you Hoosier bastard! I could kill 10 men while you’re fooling around!”

Dag. Then there’s George Engel, anarchist and labor union activist, who was sentenced to swing by his neck for a purported role in the Haymarket riot. From the gallows, in 1887, he exclaimed, in his native German, yet, “Hurrah for anarchy! This is the happiest moment of my life.”

But I dunno: My favorite has got to be Giles Corey, for arch brevity under, well, extreme pressure: Sentenced to die in 1692 during the Salem witch trials on the charge of in alliance with the devil, he refused to enter a plea. Because of this, his sentence was “peine forte et dure”—death by crushing.

From Wikipedia:

The cold crush

Sheriff Jonathan Corwin led Corey to a pit in the open field beside the jail and in accordance with the above process, before the Court and witnesses, stripped Giles of his clothing, laid him on the ground in the pit, and placed boards on his chest. Six men then lifted heavy stones, placing them one by one, on his stomach and chest. Giles Corey did not cry out, let alone make a plea.

After two days, Giles was asked three times to plead innocent or guilty to witchcraft. Each time he replied, “More weight.” More and more rocks were piled onto him, and the Sheriff, from time to time, would stand on the boulders staring down at Corey’s bulging eyes. Robert Calef, who was a witness along with other townsfolk, later said, “in the pressing, Giles Corey’s tongue was pressed out of his mouth; the Sheriff, with his cane, forced it in again.”

Three mouthfuls of bread and water were fed to the old man during his many hours of pain. Finally, Giles Corey cried out at Sheriff Corwin, “More weight,” and died.

You win, Corey. You so win. Clackers.

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3 comments ↓

#1 Liam on 07.24.08 at 10:35 am

I like Voltaire’s statement. Another one not listed is Australian outlaw Ned Kelly’s last words before he was hanged, which were ‘such is life’.

#2 Joe Schloss on 07.24.08 at 3:19 pm

Corey does not win. The all-time most bad-ass last words were spoken by the late Charles Garry, best known as the primary lawyer for the Black Panther Party. In the early 90s, he suffered a stroke, and when the paramedics arrived and tried to diagnose his condition, they began by asking him if he had a headache. “I don’t get headaches,” he replied. “I *give* headaches.”

#3 giles on 07.24.08 at 3:51 pm

it’s like that for all people named giles.

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