Tiger Woods issued this brief, 317-word statement today on his web site:
“I have let my family down and I regret those transgressions with all of my heart. I have not been true to my values and the behavior my family deserves. I am not without faults and I am far short of perfect. I am dealing with my behavior and personal failings behind closed doors with my family. Those feelings should be shared by us alone.
“Although I am a well-known person and have made my career as a professional athlete, I have been dismayed to realize the full extent of what tabloid scrutiny really means. For the last week, my family and I have been hounded to expose intimate details of our personal lives. The stories in particular that physical violence played any role in the car accident were utterly false and malicious. Elin has always done more to support our family and shown more grace than anyone could possibly expect.
“But no matter how intense curiosity about public figures can be, there is an important and deep principle at stake which is the right to some simple, human measure of privacy. I realize there are some who don’t share my view on that. But for me, the virtue of privacy is one that must be protected in matters that are intimate and within one’s own family. Personal sins should not require press releases and problems within a family shouldn’t have to mean public confessions.
“Whatever regrets I have about letting my family down have been shared with and felt by us alone. I have given this a lot of reflection and thought and I believe that there is a point at which I must stick to that principle even though it’s difficult.
“I will strive to be a better person and the husband and father that my family deserves. For all of those who have supported me over the years, I offer my profound apology.”
Hundreds of comments were posted on Michaele Salahi’s Facebook page, after the socialite and her husband, Tareq, not only crashed the Obama administration’s first White House state dinner last Tuesday night, but cravenly posted photos documenting their breach.
Of all those FB responses to this outrage, here’s my absolute favorite:
OBAMA: Good evening! Hey: How d’ya like my rundown, ghetto security? Man, I’ve been to rap concerts that were harder to get into…. SALAHI: We like it more than you presently imagine, Mr. President.…
Not bad for not having been invited: In the above photo, released yesterday by the White House, Michaele Salahi, center, and her husband, Tareq, right, are seen meet-n-greeting the leader of the free world, having done nothing but show up.
Oh, bonus: Look who’s next to the president, as is appropriate, given protocol: The guest of honor, Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh!
Wow. So, you mean if I, say, support Pakistan’s goal of redrawn borders in Kashmir, all I need do to get close enough to killmy opposition—the leader of the similarly nuclear-armed nation it borders—is put on a tux, go to the White House, and, like Jay-Z suggested, bring a blonde?
Well, this might offend my political connects, but somebody call Islamabad after I stick a fork in him: He’s done!
Amazing. I don’t know if we should throw these two losers in jail for red-teaming the U.S. government, or give them Nobel Peace Prizes for helping avoid World War III.
Michael Jackson was, of course, one of my cultural heroes, but notoriously a punching bag, seemingly incapable of ever fighting back against those who taunted and tormented him.
George Carlin, right, was another one of my esteemed art warriors, but 180 degrees away from Jackson in temperment, ripping new holes into targets at will. (Carlin died in June 2008; Jackson passed almost exactly a year later, in June 2009.)
So, when I heard that Carlin had once recorded a short statement about why Jackson was the greatest entertainer ever, “bar none,” needless to say, I was expecting a harsh, satirical assassination, given his notoriously acidic tongue and ribald takes on human folly.
Instead, the results, though scarcely a minute in length, and profane–audio NSFW, kiddies–are also profound. Carlin not only defends and hails Jackson, but he takes carefully considered aim at sacred American heroes, like Elvis and Sinatra, to make his point.
In honor of the recent, posthumous release of Carlin’s autobiography, Last Words, co-authored with Tony Hendra, above, I give you the Man…and the Man in the Mirror.
As opposed to being called a “cougar”—actor Demi Moore, 47, is famously married to 16-years-younger actor Ashton Kutcher, 31—W magazine’s December cover subject, above, says, in the mag’s profile, that “I’d prefer to be called a puma.”
Well, whatever the large cat, it looks like one of ’em just took a bite out of her hip.
Feast your eyes, folks, on the above test pattern. It’s from my personal collection, and was actually produced by yours truly: An embroidered reproduction of a compass-shattering piece by Phase II, writer, artist, musician (right), and historian in the trade of aerosol art.
After eyeing this immaculate conception in Phase and David Schmdlapp’s 1996 treatise, Style: Writing from the UnderGround, I strove to have it perfectly captured in thread, with the goal of licensing the design directly from the master. While those plans haven’t taken off yet, the image is so intricate and fetching that I use it as a desktop. But if you’re cogitatin’ about doin’ the same…don’t bite my style.
In the work of L.A.-based artist Michael Hussar, nymphs decadently suck crimson fruit, their skin puffy and blanched, save for blackened, spearlike fingertips.
Crawling the razor’s edge between erotica and rot, pieces like 2008’s Cherry Pie, above, unnerve the viewer in the gut…before being snatched up hungrily by Francis Ford Coppolla, Leonardo Di Caprio, and their ilk. Bon appetit.
With every new release since 2004’s Saw, the brutal horror movie series has co-promoted its “Saw Nurse” “Give ‘Til It Hurts” Halloween blood drive campaign with the Red Cross. However, this year’s set of posters, featuring model Katherine MacDonald, above, may be the creepiest yet.
For decades, millions have been entranced by the mystical appearances and geometric precision of crop circles, like this one from 2001, above. From where do they come? How are they made? Are beings from other worlds trying to communicate with us?
Now, in the first book of its kind – part history and part how-to guide – the secrets of the crop circle world are revealed, by the people behind the modern era’s most astounding artform.
Whether you think crop circles represent a genuine mystery, a new kind of art, or an elaborate practical joke, The Field Guide is sure to leave a lasting impression. Join us in the fields for a unique exploration of this very English artform.
Mystery solved! Wow: Can’t wait to tell Bigfoot, the next time I take a trip through the Bermuda Triangle….
Too close for comfort: Tiger Woods in better days
OBAMA: Good evening! Hey: How d’ya like 
Feast your eyes, folks, on the above test pattern. It’s from my personal collection, and was actually produced by yours truly: An embroidered reproduction of a compass-shattering piece by Phase II, writer, artist, musician (right), and historian in the trade of aerosol art.
