In the Wake of 777-Point Wall St. Drop, McCain Proposes Brand New Plan for Economic Revival: “Everyone Marry a Beer Heiress.”

As reported by The Onion, John McCain proposed his Marry A Beer Heiress for America Plan yesterday to a group of Detroit business leaders, as part of an economic package designed to stimulate the stagnant American economy.

“We can do it,” urged McCain in the speech. “Americans, together, we can do it.”

“This isn’t a government handout,” said McCain spokesman, Dan Beckner, as members of the House objected, saying that the GOP nominee’s plan was merely a bailout in another form. “No one is going to be given a beer heiress. You’ll have to woo one on your own.”

Barack Obama’s camp “slammed” McCain’s plan, saying that it discriminated against Americans who, instead, sought to get out of the recession by writing two best-selling books and making a speech at the Democratic National Convention.