Best. Dumb. Metal. Song. Ever.

Against nature: Children of the Unicorn’s idea of a hybrid

When it comes to hard rock with a so-bad-it’s-funny edge, Spinal Tap‘s David St. Hubbins, Nigel Tufnel, and Derek Smalls clearly broke the mold years ago. Couplets like these, from “Hell Hole”…

I rode the jetstream, I hit the top
I’m eating steak and lobster tails
The sauna’s drafty, the pool’s too hot
The kitchen stinks of boiling snails

…reach a stupid-is-as-stupid-takes-itself-too-seriously level that is rarely exceeded in pop music.

But Children of the Unicorn—Phil Costello, Dave Hill, Patrick Quade, Joel Frost, and Szuf Daddy—may be closing in.

I knew they were onto something when I saw their cross-speciating logo, above. Still, that was before I followed the yellow brick road to the Unicorn’s MySpace page, and got a taste of COTU’s eponymous album’s lead single, “Night Shark,” a ditty I must have then played seven or eight times in a row, filling the MEDIA ASSASSIN home with peals of tear-soaked laughter. Have some chum:

I like it fresh and I like it raw
I like your dress, I’m licking my jaws
I’m on the hunt, I strike after dark
Watch out cuz I’m on the attack like a shark

Night shark
In the dead of the night, night shark
I’m tearing you apart
Night shark
In the dead of the night, night shark
A shark in the night!