Bulging Boobs of Booze

The WineRack™ stuffs a polyurethane bladder, holding 25 oz. of your preferred liquid refreshment, underneath a black, sports bra-shaped harness. By covertly sucking from a connected tube, as shown at right, users can replenish dry gullets at sporting events, on subways, or even during long walks on the beach. It comes in small (32A thru 36A) and medium (34D thru 38B).

If you’re a woman, your kindest thought upon hearing about something like this might be, “That really doesn’t sound very comfortable,” especially for toting iced tea, though I’m only guessing here. Most males, on the other hand, would probably be awestruck by the sheer genius of reuniting breasts, liquid nourishment, and sporting events in one easy access, otherwise undetectable, over-the-shoulder-Bordeaux-holder.

Does it make me less of a man, however, that my first ruminations, when seeing this, were on terrorism? Given the difficulties the American public has been having getting liquids onto planes since the alleged 2006 transatlantic airliner plot, does this device do an end run around those obstacles?

According to their web site, the Transportation Security Administration still holds to what they call a “3-1-1 policy”: Three-ounce containers, inside a 1-quart clear, plastic zip-top bag, 1 bag per passenger. Also, just to drive the point home, they offer this scary movie of a liquid explosive at its day job.

But three ounces is less than an eighth of what the The WineRack™ holds…leading, perhaps only me, to a really crazy thought:

Drug mules carry narcotics in their own bodies, so as to avoid detection when flying on planes, right?

Well, if so, could a powerful liquid explosive be sealed inside the breast implants of a committed female suicide bomber thus, also, avoiding detection? Like, if one of our leading plastic surgeons…say, Dr. Jan Adams…had a gun held to his head, and was forced to perform the operation, as part of a terrorist plot, could such a fatal task actually be carried out?

At least one security-themed web site has already run through this scenario for humor, but I dunno: Even for a couple of months post-9/11, the idea of a shoe-bomber sounded completely absurd to most.

I don’t think we should take any chances. Men: The next time some buxom blond purrs, “Can I have a light?”, think again…and if you see something, SAY SOMETHING!