Entries Tagged 'Food' ↓

West Virginia, You Slaw Me.

West Virgina Slaw Map

I feel your pain: You’re driving through the glorious Mountain State of West Virginia, and you ask yourself: If I stop for a hot dog, will they offer slaw as a topping, or look at me funny if I ask for it?

Wonder no longer: Thanks to the people at Strange Maps blog, this color-coded display will tell you what hot dog joints (HDJ) in which counties offer slaw, usually offer slaw, or don’t offer it at all. Apparently, if you’re a slaw-lover, it’s best to stay in the central, pastel green part of the state, while avoiding the extreme red north and northeast counties of Hancock, Brooke, Jefferson, Berkeley, and the like.

If you’re not from West Virginny, though, right now you’re probably thinking, Slaw? You mean, cole slaw? On a hot dog?

No jokes, folks. According to the National Hot Dog and Sausage Council, there’s a definite and longstanding

Southern preference for coleslaw as a hot dog topping (imaginatively dubbed ‘dragged through the garden’). This also happens to be an essential ingredient of the West Virginia Hot Dog (WVHD), as described by wvhotdogs.com: “A true WVHD is a heavenly creation that begins with a wiener on a bun. Add mustard, a chili-like sauce and top it off with coleslaw and chopped onions (…) Different parts of West Virginia have variations on the theme but the common elements are sweet, creamy coleslaw and chili. Anything else is just not a true WVHD!”

Gettin’ hungry just reading it. Road trip, anybody?

“That’ll Taste Better After You’ve Had a Mouthful of Toothpaste, Kid.”

Redheaded kid with orange juice

Tousle-headed Timmy is about to discover one of the worst taste combinations known to humanity: Fresh toothpaste-mouth washed down by orange juice.

Bleccchh. We’ve all accidentally combined the two. But why is it so awful?

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Who ate the squirrel?
I’ve got first dibbs on the antlers and gloves: Bullwinkle Moose

The rise of Alaskan governor Sarah Palin has also brought a tasty state staple to national attention: Moose.

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“Biggest error since [Michael] Jordan tried to play baseball.”


That’s how my web strategist, Lena West of xynoMedia, qualifies her decision, late one night hanging out and drinking with friends, to get pizza from Domino’s:

10:43pm: We ordered online.

12:20am: Our order is delivered. Yes, the 30 minute pizza people delivered a pizza almost 2 hours later. The pizza was cold and the delivery guy, Luis, arrived sans Rebecca’s CinnaStix (they tell you your delivery person’s name with the Pizza Tracker online interface). Luis apologized and said he would return in about 15 minutes with the CinnaStix. We also saw through the online interface that our order was made by Vanessa as soon as we placed it, but it sat in a “HeatWave” bag for almost 2 hours after it was made.

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How the New York City Subway System Can Help Phnom Penh.

Lots of protein.
Super-size me: A Mallomys giant rat, native to New Guinea

His Excellency Mr. Sea Kosai
Permanent Mission of the Kingdom of Cambodia to the U.N.
866 United Nations Plaza, Suite 420
New York, NY 10017

Dear Mr. Kosai:

Greetings. My name is Harry Allen. I run the MEDIA ASSASSIN blog, here at harryallen.info. I trust that you and your staff are well.

I’m writing to you because of the following news story, out of your country, last week:

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“Wanna Come Up to My Apartment and See My Blog?”

Caught out there.

I get that the script is supposed to be a parody of the silly things twentysomethings say when they’re trying spread their DNA around. Still, I don’t know which statement in this Twix commercial is dumber:

1. “Frankly, I just feel like some politicians are completely out of touch with 99% of society.”

2. “Yeah…and it’s, like, the mainstream media’s fault.”


3. “Blogging? I LOVE blogging!”

I just know that these two are getting laid. And that they completely deserve each other.

Airplane Fool

Please pee in this cup: Food service at its nadir. Photo by Lena West

Airline service is at a depressing low. As the University of Michigan’s American Customer Satisfaction Index recently noted, Americans are more disastisfied with today’s carriers than they are with the IRS.

But the weight of this didn’t hit me until last week, when I flew round-trip, New York-to-Austin, on Oprah’s favorite carrier, American Airlines (“Something special in the air!”).

During my sojourn, I was charged $15 each way to check a duffle bag; nasally assaulted upon entering Flight 732 to New York—a plane that when boarded smelled like a combination of lavatory sewage, stale cigarette smoke, and moldy jockstraps (something special in the air, indeed); and, with a great deal of fanfare, served the drink in the above photo.

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“A shame, the way the poor Africans are starving…[sigh]…such a shame. I hope we can help them in some way. Now, what will it be: The supreme of chicken with stuffed thigh, nuts and orange savoury and beetroot foam, or will I have the milk-fed lamb flavored with herbs and mustard, and roast lamb with cepes and black truffle? Does a Chambolle-Musigny go with lamb? And what are we going to do about the poor starving Africans?”

“Maybe I can share my milk-fed lamb with the Africans, mommy!”

According to the UK’s Daily Telegraph, via The Huffington Post, world leaders, meeting in Japan on Monday to solve the global food crisis, stuffed themselves stupid at an 18-course banquet, below, specially prepared for the meeting, calling down, no doubt inaudible, worldwide outrage. (“Meanwhile back at the Vomitorium” stabbed The Daily Kos. “Crumbs from the rich nations’ table” dripped the capitalism-giddy, sherbert-toned Financial Times.)

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Bulging Boobs of Booze

The WineRack™ stuffs a polyurethane bladder, holding 25 oz. of your preferred liquidBra in use refreshment, underneath a black, sports bra-shaped harness. By covertly sucking from a connected tube, as shown at right, users can replenish dry gullets at sporting events, on subways, or even during long walks on the beach. It comes in small (32A thru 36A) and medium (34D thru 38B).

If you’re a woman, your kindest thought upon hearing about something like this might be, “That really doesn’t sound very comfortable,” especially for toting iced tea, though I’m only guessing here. Most males, on the other hand, would probably be awestruck by the sheer genius of reuniting breasts, liquid nourishment, and sporting events in one easy access, otherwise undetectable, over-the-shoulder-Bordeaux-holder.

Does it make me less of a man, however, that my first ruminations, when seeing this, were on terrorism? Given the difficulties the American public has been having getting liquids onto planes since the alleged 2006 transatlantic airliner plot, does this device do an end run around those obstacles?

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