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Stop, Left 4 Dead 2: You Had Me At, “You Get To Play This Game As a Sister, While You’re Killing Zombies.”


You’d have to read MEDIA ASSASSIN or my Twitter feed for mere seconds before realizing that I’m absolutely crazy about videogames and I’m cuckoo for zombies. So, from my perspective, the release of Valve’s hellish, undead apocalypse, Left 4 Dead, last fall was akin to declaring a Federal holiday.

Well, hell has a sequel. On November 17th, in Left For Dead 2 (Xbox 360/PC), Valve revisits the world where an unnamed pandemic is turning human corpses into fast-moving, flesh-eating gargoyles. However, this time, one of the four playable “survivors” is a Black woman, above. Hell better step the hell back.

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Japanese Schoolgirls? Zombies? Katanas? Chainsaws? I’m In, B.

Uniform Sabaigaru clipping

If you ask me, there’s only one way to deal with zombies: Rack ’em up and knock ’em down. I don’t care if they’re urban, rural, or suburban. You gotta show ’em who’s boss, and you can’t be the least bit ambiguous about it, or soon enough, one’ll be sinking his nasty dental work into your neck.

Uniform Sabaigaru’s heroinesIf you really wanna raise the stakes though, do what the new low-budget Japanese horror flick, Uniform Sabaigaru, above, which opened recently, does: Throw innocent teenage schoolgirls, right, into the mix. If you think co-eds can be brutal, wait’ll you hand one of ’em a Black & Decker.

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What Today’s Well-Equipped Homeowner is Workin’ With.


Now, that’s what I’m talkin’ ’bout. You’d think with all the increasing hubub about the coming zombie apocalypse, more folks would be getting geared for the dawn of the dead. Leave it to blogger Zack Danger to pick up the gore-soaked slack with his official Danger Zombie Survival Kit.

The emergency wall case, above, comes done up with a blood red mat in a black frame under glass. Inside, it’s power-packed with a stockless tactical shotgun, two cartons of 12-gauge shells, and safety glasses, to protect your eyes from flying metal or bone fragments. Rollin’ up like that, zombies stand less of a chance than roaches swimming in Raid. Like I said, after catching a glimpse of Left 4 Dead‘s corpse-ridden hell, lemme at ’em.

[via FAIL]

Fight with the Living Dead.

Left 4 Dead Bill against a Boomer

Movie zombies unnerve me. Whether the lumbering ghouls of George Romero’s Night of the Living Dead and Michael Jackson’s Thriller, or the track-stars-in-our-former-lives of 28 Days Later, carnivorous cadavers, foaming blood, coming from every direction are the stuff of which very bad dreams are made.

The November 18 release of Valve Corporation’s Left 4 Dead, above, then, pledges sleepless nights of sweat-drenched dread. The game pits four human survivors against armies of the rotting undead, says Valve, battling them in single player, co-op, and multiplayer game modes.

Set in the immediate aftermath of the zombie apocalypse, L4D offers four expansive “movie campaigns” that challenge you and your fellow survivors to battle thousands of swarming zombies as you travel across the rooftops of an abandoned metropolis, through rural ghost towns and pitch-black forests.

Mere words. Take a look at this clip from the game and hold on to your head. In the sequence, you and your three human co-partners—driven either by actual players or the machine’s AI—attempt to storm a kitchen in an overrun, infected house. This draws the zombies in for a meal—you—right as you draw your shotgun. Lemme at ’em. On PC / Xbox 360.

African Zombie Virus Rampant.
Forget Medicines. Bring Guns.

Come and get it….

Long before its scheduled March 2009 release, Resident Evil 5 (RE5), the next installment in the immensely popular and influential survival-horror videogame series, started coughing up blood…and controversy: In the narrative, a white protagonist, Chris Redfield, sets down in what appears to be an African or Caribbean country decimated by a mutant “supervirus.” Suddenly, freshly dead villagers start to revive as bloodthirsty zombies, and Redfield must slaughter them in hordes to stay alive, a la this scene, below, from the game trailer.

“Wipe them out…all of them….”

Perhaps Newsweek‘s gaming critic, N’Gai Croal, giving pointed regard to the clip’s images, with their precedents in racist visual history, said it most succinctly in an excellent MTV Online interview: “Clearly no one Black worked on this game.”

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